Not-yet-published pieces, stories, essays, rants, and random strangenesses

All right, it’s more of a slide show, but I’m proud of it anyway: Now go buy the book! And read more about the book here.

When friends found his puddle, they screamed, “How ghastly! We’d never have dreamed That one summer day He’d just melt away! His car...

Email spammers often embed their links amid irrelevant and innocuous snippets of text. I learned that those snippets are grabbed at...

The original doorbell of this house was particularly anemic. It could be heard from the living room and the kitchen, but almost nowhere...

Season 1, Episode 4:

Season 1, Episode 3:

Season 1, Episode 2:

Season 1, Episode 1 of one of the funniest webshow/podcast series I’ve ever seen:

This has been circulating on the Internet for a while now, but it’s still good for a laugh. Someone went over to the Church Sign...

From the New Yorker, July 25, 1994 It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to...

Today, Judge Judy was eviscerating a teenager who was lying about breaking the window of a pizza shop. She called him a fool, and accused...

Remember the mysterious Wootalyzer story? Well, the darned thing is addictive. I’m now able to restrain myself most of the time, but once...

Florence stands halfway between New York and Miami and, more importantly for me, halfway between Palm Bay and the D.C. area. I have...

Bread and I are coming to a parting of the ways. I don’t know if I have a wheat allergy, or I’m sensitive to gluten, or if it’s those...

It’s 4 a.m., and I’m in Florence, South Carolina, on my way north to perform the second of Mom’s two funerals. I spent a surprisingly...

Ron Howard wants to talk about the election. So does Andy Griffith and Henry Winkler. (This video has swept across the Internet like...

Chuck Lorre is a gifted comedy writer, director, producer, and even composer for TV sitcoms. He wrote for Roseanne, about which he said,...

Simply delicious. From balsamia’s photostream on Flickr.